How Life Partners Can Help Each Other Succeed in Their Careers
Finding success in your chosen career doesn't mean being alone and single. Even though successful people are often seen as focused and preoccupied with work, that does not mean they don't have any time for relationships. If you're a highly motivated person on the path to success, as focused as you are, you don't have to be alone and single in order to make it to the top. In fact, if you're in a committed relationship right now, you can help and support your life partner at work in navigating the intricacies of your respective careers.
The most important career choice you will make, according to Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg, is who you marry. This career advice makes a lot of sense considering the number of studies that link the dynamics of support within couples and the effect it has to career outcomes.
Marriage or any form of a committed life partnership can make or break one's career. Inversely, one's career ambitions can wreak havoc to personal relationships. How many people have broken up with their boyfriend/girlfriend because one of them is "too career oriented"? And how many employees have quit their jobs in an attempt to keep their relationship or family intact?
There is no doubt that finding career success while maintaining a solid, committed relationship is hard and may even be impossible for some. Google co-founder Sergey Brin's split with 23andMe founder Anne Wojcicki and more recently, Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner's divorce announcement may be a confirmation for some that a successful career really comes at the expense of relationships.
With marriage dissolution rates up for young couples in Singapore and in other developed countries coupled by the increasing pressures of corporate life, dual-career couples face a tougher challenge of maintaining a stable relationship or a happy home life while making their way on top of the corporate ladder.
More than ever, couples who are either married or in some form of committed relationship need to work together to create and maintain a meaningful relationship while trying to find success in their respective careers. Here are some strategies to help you do just that.
On sharing vision and goals
As partners, you need to know and understand what matters most to each of you. And while this is easier said than done, you can always start by being genuinely interested in and learning about your partner's work and then sharing about your own.
It is sometimes appalling to find that some people are not even aware of their boyfriend or girlfriend's (or husband or wife's) job, what they do and who they work for. Your career is an extension of who you are. As such, discussing your job, your goals and future career plans should be significant step in the process of defining your relationship.
At the onset of your relationship, you need to be able to talk about what you hope to create together as a couple. Do you see a future where both of you are high-ranking executives? Or do you foresee an eventual change in your career direction where one of you starts a business venture while the other pursues a more traditional path in the corporate world?
Having shared vision and goals is important not only in determining the direction of your relationship and career but also in defining you role in each other's success.
On being on the same team
When making career decisions, couples should learn how to think like a team. This entails planning together, confiding to each other and discussing things thoroughly when a career decision needs to be made.
Career coach and co-founder of SixFigureStart, Caroline Ceniza-Levine,stress the importance of making career decisions together. "It's impractical and unfair to make career decisions in a vacuum. You have to consider those closest to you who will be affected by your decisions. Ideally, your partner gives you the same courtesy! Before big career decisions even need to be made, you should have a candid discussion with your significant other about how you feel about certain issues."
When making career decisions, it is but natural not to be on the same side all the time. But at some point, you need to reach a consensus.
The lack of consensus around things like work schedule, finances and individual responsibilities can doom even the strongest relationships. In order for dual-career couples to make their relationship work, you need to be on the same page regarding career goals and at the same time, think about how you can support each other in achieving them.
On giving and taking
Maintaining balance between ‘giving and taking' is a vital built-in mechanism in all personal relationships. As the other half of the relationship, you cannot and should not expect to receive something that you do not or cannot offer on your own turn. Once the ‘give and take' mechanism tips to one side, conflicts and difficulties will arise.
If one of you has to spend extra hours in the office or take calls from work during your private time, you have to be supportive. That being said, you also need to respect each other's feelings especially if work is already catching up with your private life.
If you are willing to take away time from your relationship for the sake of work, you should also be willing take some time away from work and spend it with your partner or your family.
Of course, sacrifices are an inherent part of dual-career relationships. However, couples need to avoid sacrificing one's career in favour of the other. A career that requires constant sacrifices at the expense of your personal relationships is not worth keeping
On providing encouragement and support
Ask yourselves, as life partners, are you providing each other with the support you need to succeed in your respective careers?
Your path to career success won't always go as planned. It is during the challenging times that you can benefit most from having each other as a life partners.
When things go awry- or at the very least- stressful at work, refrain from criticizing your partner or forcefully meddling with his or her issues at work. Allow your partner to open up any issue about work on his or her own terms and then offer a suggestion or constructive criticism if he or she asks you for it.
And while most people choose to tread carefully when addressing problems and difficulties, you also need to be realistic. Do not tell lies just to make your partner feel better. When the situation calls for bluntness, don't hesitate to serve someone you love the cold, hard truth.
As couples, you need to realize that support is not a one-size fits all concept. There are various ways to you can be supportive to each other's career. Does your partner need you to listen and empathize (emotional support), to express confidence in him or her (esteem support) or does your partner require you to give concrete advice (informational and tangible support)? Providing the right kind of support (or asking for it) is vital in making dual-career relationships work.
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As part of a committed relationship, it is your job as well as it is in your best interest to aid each other in pursuing your respective career goals. Contrary to what most people think, you don't necessarily need to make a choice between your career and your relationship. You simply need to strive hard and commit yourself to finding balance between the two. It is by carefully maintaining the balance between your relationship and your respective careers that you as a couple can achieve your goals, grow closer and become better together.
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